The following is a short excerpt from “William Penn’s Advice
to His Children.” Published by Friends Council on Education, Philadelphia, 1944
(first published in 1726). Pages 34-35.
“In conversation, mark well what others say or do, and hide
your own mind, at least till last, and then open it as sparingly as the matter
will let you. A just observance and reflection upon men and things give wisdom;
those are the great books of learning seldom read. The laborious bee draws
honey from every flower. Be always on your watch, but chiefly in company; then
be sure to have you wits about you, and your armor on; speak last and little,
but to the point; interrupt none; anticipate none. … It gives time to
understand and ripens an answer. Affect no words, but matter, and chiefly to be
pertinent and plain. Truest eloquence is plainest, and brief speaking (I mean
brevity and clearness to make yourselves easily understood by everybody, and in
as few words as the matter will admit of) is the best."
My reflection…
I remember learning in college that some students process
information by talking it out. It was quite the “ah ha” moment as that very accurately
describes me. And today, as a cold has taken my voice, I have been forced to
choose my words carefully, speaking when only necessary and with as little
words as possible. And this practice makes me remember learning about Quakers
using words sparingly as a way of being as truthful as possible. I was kind of
baffled by how this could be done. Especially considering Quakers were known
for being activists. I found myself wondering how could they persuade people to
support their positions without engaging in long debates? It was sometime later
(while still in upper school) that I came to understand the power of listening,
observing, and then crafting just the right words to make the group pause and
reflect on what was said.
I was asked to serve on our “School Life Committee,” which
comprised of a teacher from each unit, a board member, a parent and two upper
school students. The first couple of meetings were exciting; all the “adults”
were very interested in hearing about our student perspective, and accordingly we
dominated the conversation. This tapered off somewhat at later meetings. But
over the course of some months I began to recognize that one of the meeting
members, who was a Quaker and the most quiet, always spoke with such clarity. His
comments demonstrated how he was thoughtfully engaging with the information
being shared, culling the sense of the meeting but also adding his wisdom. And
even at the age of 16, I understood the power this had and it gave me cause to
rethink how I engaged in meetings and conversations. I learned that my many
words did not hold nearly the power of his few because I had not spent the
time, the labor, of listening. And with very conscious effort I remind myself
to be the listener first, and the contributor last. This is an important skill for
me as a spouse, as a parent, as an activist, and especially as an educator.
